


Coffee

by MidnightofLight



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Coffee Shops, Memory Loss, Reconciliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-18
Updated: 2015-03-28
Packaged: 2018-03-18 13:06:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3570719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidnightofLight/pseuds/MidnightofLight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hide has never liked the bland taste of coffee, so he doesn’t understand why he’s drawn to the little Café Thursday afternoons. He hates the bitter taste in his mouth, loathes the burning liquid on his tongue, but he still sits down and buys a hot cup of joe every damn week. <br/>...<br/>Or, in other words, how Hide finds himself drawn to a coffee shop and meets a man named Sasaki Haise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Hide has never liked the bland taste of coffee, so he doesn’t understand why he’s drawn to the little Café Thursday afternoons. He hates the bitter taste in his mouth, loathes the burning liquid on his tongue, but he still sits down and buys a hot cup of joe every damn week. It’s been like this since he’s returned from looking for his best friend, Kaneki Ken.

 _And what luck that was,_ he thinks bitterly as he takes his usual seat by the window. It’s a winter day, colder than usual, and Hide watches as people step in the gross slush that is neither water nor snow. In a way, the precipitation is like Kaneki. It disappears when the sun comes up, leaving for months.

Hide groans. A year has gone by without contact from Kaneki, or even a simple sight. Though he looked in every crook and cranny possible, all he came up with was a nest of ghouls that the CCG immediately eradicated. Touka hasn’t seen or heard anything either, being his trusty information broker down the ghoul vine.

“Sir, what would you like to drink?”

There’s a lady holding a writing pad. Hide assumes she’s a waitress, but he doesn’t like to assume. It makes an ass out of him and other people; especially when it’s something as embarrassing as chasing down a grey haired person, shouting Kaneki’s name, only to discover it was some random kid. Hide cringes at the memory.

Hide wants anything but coffee, but he orders it anyways.

“I’ll be right back,” the lady flashes him a wide smile, one that Hide presumes was in a way flirtatious. He sighs. A year ago he would have been totally into a cute girl like her. She was a brunette with long legs and wide eyes, pretty, but he doesn’t have time for relationship stuff anymore. He’s fully concentrated on Kaneki, even if all trails have gone cold.

He nods, looking back towards the door when it opens with a ring. His heart immediately clenches in his chest when he sees the man. White hair, black at the roots is the first thing he sees. The man notices him staring and Hide quickly turns, face flushing in embarrassment. _White and black hair_ , his mind tells him. _Could that be?_

His breath hitches when the man walks by. Nobody else has white hair like that, even if it is dyed. There is a natural look about it that Hide knew only belonged to Kaneki Ken. For a split second, Hide wants nothing more than to launch himself at the guy and hug him, claiming how a rabbit like him had come so close to death by being alone. He catches himself, though, not wanting to bring up another embarrassing situation. Besides, the probability of it actually being Kaneki is so slim that it actually hurts.

Still, there’s no harm in talking to the guy.

The lady still isn’t back with his coffee, so Hide just assumes she’ll find him in the small café.  His heart is pounding in ways it shouldn’t when he gets up to meet the guy, who has pulled out a book in the amount of time Hide hasn’t looked at me. That’s something definitely Kaneki like. Him and his books. They are something that can’t be separated.

With the deepest breath possible, Hide forces a grin and sits down across from the man, feigning the confidence he normally holds.

The white haired man raises his eyebrows, lowering his book down. “May I help you?”

Hide doesn’t know what to say, because if it the hair and book haven’t been enough, his voice sounds exactly like his friends. He can feel tears welling in his eyes. More than anything, he wants to reach across the table, pull Kaneki into a tight hug, and demand where he’s been.

But he doesn’t. That would be stupid.

“I think I know you,” Hide admits and bites his lip. He really means, _hi Kaneki, we haven’t seen each other since the incident in the sewer where you almost ate me, but how are you doing?_

“What’s your name?”

His answer is immediate and fast, “Hideyoshi Nagachika.”

The guy cocks his head to the side, shooting him a confused expression. Hide recoils back slightly, taken back by the utter lack of recognition in the man’s eyes. He’d think that after all they’d been through, Kaneki would at least have some sort of recollection of what they’d been through. His heart falls in his chest when the man mutters;

“I don’t recall ever meeting someone with that name,” he says, but continues. “However, your hair does look familiar. Perhaps I’ve seen you before?”

“It’s pretty hard to forget,” Hide smiles. “So is your hair. You don’t see many people around with white hair.”

The smirk the man gives nearly melts Hide’s heart. While it’s so unlikely for Kaneki to smile like that, he can still see his friend behind the awkward attempt at the smile. Even if he doesn’t remember Hide—for whatever reason—he can at least recall his hair, which is enough for Hide.

But why doesn’t he remember?

Hide’s eyebrows scrunch at the person he can only assume to be Kaneki Ken. He’s wearing a suit, looking particularly dapper. The blonde can only wonder when he started wearing clothes like this, because before it was all sweaters.

The man is tapping his finger impatiently against the table. Hide knows he wants to return to his book, but he doesn’t want the conversation to end just yet. Even if this person is just a carbon copy of Kaneki, he allows Hide to at least believe he’s talked to his best friend once more.

“So,” Hide begins. He watches as gray eyes rake his body and he shivers. It’s impossible not to notice how much this guy is studying him. In a way he seems suspicious, which is crazy because Hide knows he’s one of the most innocent looking people out there. But he guesses nobody can be too careful in a world with ghouls, especially after happened to Kaneki with Rize. “What’s your name?”

“Sasaki Haise,” he answers.

 _No,_ Hide thinks. _You’re Kaneki Ken and I miss you._

The waitress comes back with both of their drinks and flashes them both a smile before leaving to attend to other customers. Hide easily fakes a grin. He’s learned to smile no matter what for Kaneki’s sake. That way he always knows everything is okay no matter what. Haise seems completely disinterested in the woman and just mutters a quiet ‘thanks’.

Haise sips his coffee, eyeing Hide as the blonde just stares down at the dark liquid with disgust. It’s so bland and gross, but he has to drink it because he’s bought it. What was his reason for coming here in the first place? He can’t remember, much like how his friend doesn’t even seem to know his own real name.

_But why?_

He knows something extremely bad must’ve happened to Kaneki. Hide has seen Kaneki change; watched as he went from an innocent college student to a suffering, lonely ghoul. But now this was different, because in those times Kaneki had known Hide. Now, he’s a totally different person in the body of Kaneki Ken.

“You don’t like coffee.”

It’s not a question. Haise states the fact like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Considering he’s been glaring at the bitter drink for the last few minutes, that probably is the case. Hide’s lips turn up in a sad smile. _Or maybe it’s lodged in the back of his mind of the fact I hate coffee,_ because Kaneki knew everything Hide likes and dislikes.

Hide shrugs. “I’ve always been more of a juice person.”

“Ah.”

It’s supposed to be a joke, but Haise seems like a pretty serious guy, so he must not get it.

They sit in silence for a little longer. Hide is fidgeting nervously, because for the first time in his life he’s out of things to say. What should he talk about? The fact that Haise is actually a young adult named Kaneki Ken who was turned into a half ghoul. That probably won’t go over well, so he opts for mentioning the book Haise’s reading. Kaneki always loved talking about books.

“Is that Takatsuki?” Hide asks, even though he knows for a fact that’s the author. He’s seen the cover more than enough times.

Haise nods, face brightening a little. “Yes. Are you a fan of his works?”

Hide can’t help but chuckle. “No, they’re way too complicated for me to understand, my friend was a fan of him.”

Kaneki always read the books to Hide, explaining the plot as he went on, excited to have someone listening. Hide recalls the memory fondly, remembering Kaneki’s smile as he spelled out certain works. He misses him so much and wishes that Haise would just say this has all been a prank and he’s actually Kaneki Ken. Hide wants Kaneki to be okay. He wants the whitehaired man to read to him again.

Haise’s eyebrows raise. “Was?”

There’s a pang in Hide’s chest, one that almost brings tears to his eyes. It’s become normal to think about Kaneki, but not to talk about his disappearance, especially when he’s talking _to_ him. God, this is so screwed up.

“Yeah, he disappeared about a year ago,” Hide’s breath catches as he speaks. “He…suffered a lot.”

A look of sympathy crosses Haise’s face. “Oh, I’m sorry for asking.”

Hide gives him that fake smile. It hurts so bad to look at this fake identity. “It’s fine. I think I’m getting close to finding him, though.”

“Oh?”

Hide nods, thinking about how Haise is probably disinterested in his problems and wants him to go away so he can read and drink in peace. Still, he continues talking, because this is his best friend. Kaneki is in that body somewhere.

“I don’t know what to say to him,” he admits sheepishly. Because he still can’t think of a way to bring it up.

“Just start with ‘hi’,” Haise tells him before standing and straightening his suit. He pulls some money out of his pocket and lays it neatly on his table, picking up his books in the process. “It’s been nice talking to you, but I really have to go.”

Hide’s eyes widen.

He’s not losing Kaneki again.

Nope.

He watches as Haise starts to walk away, fear growing in his mind. Hide wasn’t able to help his friend before, so he sure as hell isn’t going to let it happen again. He looks at his undrunk coffee on the table and decides that he’s going to put it to use. He picks it up and throws it on Haise’s front in a non-discreet manner. There’s no way he’s letting him go.

Haise stares at him in disbelief. “What the hell?”

Hide says the only thing he can think of, shaking slightly under the intimidating gaze.

“Hi.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Let’s go home,” Haise says finally. Hide feels his heart leap. “Somebody said, ‘let’s go home’. You said, ‘let’s go home’.” Hide reaches out and grabs Haise’s hand when that pained expression makes its way back on his face. “Why was I there and why was there so much blood?”  
> ...  
> Or, in other words, how Hide makes Haise remember something about his past life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: spoilers for episode twelve!

 Kaneki had Hide whipped from day one.

 Now, Haise has done the exact same thing. He’s grabbed Hide by the reins, pulling roughly and yanking him into yet another confusing part of life. Because now it’s not whether or not he loves his best friend—he’s known of his feelings for a while—but if he can actually get Haise to remember who he used to be and forget the person he’s unwittingly become.

So, as he’s pressed against the wall by the stranger who’s not really a stranger, Hide is able to think of the small things that would trigger Kaneki. Even as Haise’s mouth bites and sucks on Hide’s lower lip, drawing small whimpers from the blonde, he can’t help but think it would be better if his best friend actually knew who he was. Kaneki Ken would not be this brash about a make out session. Ever. Last Hide knew, Kaneki hadn’t even had his first kiss.

When Haise moves to a spot behind Hide’s ear, he can’t help but gasp, “Kaneki!”

It was entirely by accident.

He was thinking about Kaneki and…

The lips are gone within a second. Hide is met with a glare from Haise—from the eyes of Kaneki—and lowers his head a little, rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment. If you ever want to kill the mood, just call the person you’re getting it on with their old name that they don’t remember. It really works. Especially in Hide’s case.

“I told you to stop calling me that, Hide,” Haise sighs. “You really are truly inept at following directions.”

 _And you are truly inept at remembering things,_ Hide thinks bitterly, though he just mutters an “I’m sorry”. The last thing he wants is Haise to be mad at him, because it would be really awful to lose Kaneki again after all this time.

Haise puts his lips back on Hide’s and continues their kissing—this time taking it slow; sure to lock their lips together before moving. It’s nice and very Kaneki like, but then Haise picks up speed. Although he doesn’t mind, he wishes Haise would be a bit more timid.

Hide wonders how it came to this…

 Ah, yes. The coffee. That’s how.

When Hide threw his coffee on Haise, all he wanted was a way to talk more so he could get Kaneki back. He never expected the man to grab his hand and yank him to his spacious apartment, grill him with questions he only argued with, and then tell Hide that he was Sasaki Haise before proceeding to attack him with kisses.

“Mm, Haise, can we talk?” Hide asks. Even though it’s always been his dream to be with Kaneki, he’d rather do it when his friend remembered him. Because, in a way, he feels like he’s taking advantage of Kaneki. Haise may want this, but Kaneki may be totally against it. The thought hurts Hide’s heart.

 “Can’t we talk later?” Haise sucks on a patch of skin in the crevice of Hide’s neck. It’s a spot that makes his knees go weak, and he really wants to continue. It feels so damn good…

But Kaneki is his priority. Kaneki Ken first, his own pleasure later.

 So, Hide weakly puts his hands in Haise’s contrasting hair and pulls him back. The man raises his eyebrows, confused at the sudden change of pace. Hide just sighs, lets his hands fall into the wrists of Haise. He pulls the suited man over to a large couch in the apartment.

“Oh, so you don’t wanna do it standing up?” Haise is smirking. Hide feels his face heat up.

“I’m not doing a single thing until we talk,” Hide says, crossing his arms in resolution. “Listen here, Haise, I know you’re Kaneki Ken, even if you don’t remember yourself. Though it’s been some time, I’ll always be able to tell who my best friend is.”

 Haise leans back into the couch. “Okay, Hide, then tell me this. When exactly was the last time you saw this Kaneki Ken?”

Hide’s heart nearly falls out of his chest.

The last time…

Oh god…

* * *

 

… _“Yo, Kaneki.”_

_There was a lot of blood. So much covering the floor of Anteiku that Hide thought he could drown in it. He didn’t understand how Kaneki couldn’t notice, because the ghoul should have been able to at least smell it. Hide didn’t mention it. He leaves himself to keep bleeding. Death was already inevitable._

_So, he just grinned. All he wanted was to see Kaneki smile one last time. Throughout the duration of this shit, Hide just needed his friend to be happy again—to sit down and read his favorite book while Hide plays some sort of video game._

_His wound hurt so badly. He had been injured before, beaten up by other kids who thought he was odd, but this was different. The feeling was weird; almost numb, but not really. He can feel his legs ready to give out, but he locks and forces himself to keep standing._

_It surprised Hide that he was able to keep a straight face, then crack a joke. He barely felt able to breath, let alone talk. The blonde had never been one to endure pain; but wasn’t it Kaneki who told him that “instead of hurting others, become the one who is hurt”? Right, this is for Kaneki._

_As he watched a small smile stretch across Kaneki’s cheeks and a near soundless laughter escape his mouth, warmth that overpowered any type of pain filled him. He wanted to cry. He almost forgot the wonderful, chime-like giggle. He was so happy that the tears threatened to spill over. That was the Kaneki Ken he knew._

_So, when he slipped on his own blood, falling forward into Kaneki’s arms, Hide knew that this was how it felt to love somebody. To make Kaneki smile one last time gave Hide the strength not to fear death. He was able to tell his friend that it would be okay, because Kaneki remembered how to smile and laugh._

_He fell into darkness without any regrets. Kaneki wrapped his arms around him and lifted. Hide knew then that they were going home…_

* * *

 But Hide is alive.

Kaneki had taken him to the CCG, given his unconscious body to them. They told him when he had waken, bandaged and groggy, that Kaneki Ken was nowhere to be found and had seemed to disappear from the city all together.

Now, Hide knows how incredibly un-fucking-true that is.

He’s pissed. Kaneki probably thought he was dead when he brought him, and then got captured in order to save him. That sounds more reasonable. But, he got himself turned into someone he’s not, and now Kaneki will never know that Hide is actually alive and well and really just wants his best friend back.

Hide doesn’t realize until he comes back from that memory that Haise is kneeling on the wooden floor in front of him, hands clasping firmly on his shoulders. He looks worried. That must be due to the fact that Hide is crying.

 “Hide, what’s wrong?”

What’s wrong?

Everything in this whole world is wrong. If people just accepted ghouls for who they were in the first place, maybe his friend wouldn’t have thought Hide would hate him if he found out. Perhaps they could be sitting at home right now, wrapped in the warmth of a blanket while watching a scary movie. Not this.

“Anteiku,” Hide whispers and raises his hand to wipe his wet face. He hadn’t even cried when he knew he was dying. “I saw him last at Anteiku.”

 _And you saw me last when I was dying, Kaneki._ He’s so sorry for that. He just wishes that he would’ve known that this would transpire, because he wouldn’t have let Kaneki devour him as much as he did. Now, he discovers that his selflessness was selfish, and that he never thought about possible outcomes.

 There’s a pause. Hide feels the grip loosen on his shoulders and watches as Kaneki slumps to the floor a little more. Haise face contorts, looks as though he’s in a lot of pain. Now, Hide is the one who is worried.

“Anteiku,” Haise repeats slowly. There’s a sadness in his voice; one that pulls at Hide’s heart.

Even though he is racked with guilt, Hide pushes away his own pain in favor of Haise. Both of them can’t be hurt at once. It doesn’t work like that.

 “Yeah, the coffee shop,” Hide tells him.

Hide doesn’t know whether he sees a spark in those grey eyes or what, but it’s something to latch onto. He continues talking about the place, because maybe it’ll trigger something in Haise that will reveal Kaneki.

“I was hurt really bad. Bleeding a lot, actually. Like, you could probably swim in the blood if you wanted to.” He lets out a choked laugh. “Kaneki, you thought I died, then gave me to the CCG. You turned yourself in for me, you…”

Hide is on the verge of tears again. He holds them in for Kaneki’s sake.

Haise’s lips move, but he doesn’t say anything.

Hide takes a moment to let Haise absorb any information. Then, he asks, “do you remember something?”

Haise doesn’t speak at first. He’s just staring; blank, completely trance-like. Hide wonders if he should reach out and shake him. He doesn’t. Instead, he lets Haise come back to himself.

“Let’s go home,” Haise says finally. Hide feels his heart leap. “Somebody said, ‘let’s go home’. _You_ said, ‘let’s go home’.” Hide reaches out and grabs Haise’s hand when that pained expression makes its way back on his face. “Why was I there and why was there so much blood?”

He sounds so heartbreakingly confused that Hide wants to shatter, but instead he forces that smile he’s become so good at making. This is where he’s needed. Haise won’t remember anything on his own. He’s not going to become Kaneki Ken without Hide.

Hide leans forward and kisses him lightly. Haise leans forward and rests their foreheads together.

“It’s a long story.”

One that he’s glad to tell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made another chapter  
> I just wanted a happy ending, okay? :(  
> Sorry for any grammar errors  
> I'm following a tag for this on tumblr :)  
> ...  
> Thank you for reading!  
> My tumblr is:  
> http://midnightoflight.tumblr.com/  
> Feel free to drop in a prompt, because I might be interested in writing it!

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, this didn't have a beta, though I still think it turned out okay!  
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
